1.Don't take candy from strangers unless they offer you a ride
2.Strangers have the best candy
3.People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.
4.When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
5.When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
6.If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
7.Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
8.With a calendar, your days are numbered
9.The older you get, the better you realize you were
10.Time is what keeps everything from happening at once
11.Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
12.I'm only in non-profits for the money
13.On the other hand, you have different fingers.
14.How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
15.Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
16.If a #2 Pencil is so Popular, then why is it still #2?
17.If no one is perfect does that mean I do not exist?
18.I'm only wearing black untill they make something darker
19.My friends say I'm indecisive, but I'm not so sure
20.If I agreed with you , we'd both be wrong
21.I started with nothing and still have most of it left
22.Don't talk to me while I'm talking to myself
23.I used to have a plaque that said a messy room was a sign of genius... but I lost it
24.I hate people who steal my ideas before I think of them
25.By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends
26.Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
27.Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it
28Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark
29.A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries
30.Why is the alphabet in that order? is it because of that song?
31.If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
32.What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?