I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire

Happy one year anniversary..

it may not look much to the outsider, but its have tremendous effect in my life.

I can't believe it been one year.

I wonder what should I do to celebrate this special occasion?

P/S : I could stop, but the real question is should I stop?

you are my sunshine

Its funny that you met me at the strangest time of my life.

I never thought that it could be like this.

I don't know what the future holds.

But I really hope that you will be there.

I just wish that you would stop making assumption that you are bothering me..

And no, I'm not tired..and please stop saying that you will no longer bother me..

P/S : you may not realize this, but I'm breaking so many rules for you..

killing me softly

The hardest part of saying goodbye is having to do it again every single day.

There are a lot of girls in front of my eyes, but there only one that matter.

All these emotion make me want to do something stupid. Right now I'm thinking about dying my hair.

I need to move on, badly. But how could I help if the heart still pining for the past.

I remember there was a time she ask me, "how many girl do I say goodnight to everyday?" Told her I didn't count. It true that I didn't count because there only 1 girl that I say goodnight to.

p/s: I been going out with 6 different girls for past month. Every time I close eyes, I can only see you and start imagining what it like to be with you.

Heartache by the number

If you really want me in your life, you would not told me 2 month later.
If you really want me, you would told me on January.
If you really want me, you would not told me after you engaged to someone else.

It clearly that you made your decision.
It is really heartache for me, but at least now I can move on..(hopefully)

Yes I got heartache by the number, a love that I can't win but the day that I stop counting its the day my world would end.


P/S : If by chance you didn't get marry this year end. I will take that as sign from God that you are belong to me.

Woke Up This Morning

throughout this few months had made me realize one thing.
it is very difficult to be a teacher.

and I'm not a teacher.
I like the idea of teaching someone something.
but to do it as your career throughout the years. Now that a real challenge.

now I have new found respect to teacher around the world.
hence, I would like to propose a toast to teachers around the world.
without you, I would be end-up dead or some dirtbag doing something stupid.

p/s : I would like to take this moment to say thank to Mr Lee Yong Guo (sorry if I pronounce your name wrong) for teaching me math and become a huge contributor to my future. Seriously, before this I don't even believe in myself, you made me who I am today. It true what Pooh say (yes, Winnie the Pooh) , sometimes the little thing will take up the biggest place in your heart. And it true what they say "those who can do, those who can't teach"

Can you hear the trumpet whispering?

I wish life is easy, but its not.

The important lesson I learned for today, sometimes you need to take down your pride and start again from bottom.

What done is done, now let focus on brighter future. We can't control the past, but we can control the future. The best way to predict the future is to create them.

This remind me of Prison Break series(on Session 3 if I'm not mistaken). When they being throw into Panama Prison. There are 2 people with 2 different approach, first is the warden (forgot his name, bellick maybe). The warden try to act tough and like he running the show, but instead get his ass kick and mugged. Left unconscious almost naked in the middle of field. Long story short, he having difficulty for his life for next few week.

On the other hand, there T-Beg, veteran inmate, didn't show his fang when start get in the prison. We all know his story during the first prison. But in Panama, he don't let that bother him, it is almost like he a new inmate. He start all nice and charming to the big boss in Panama. Oh, how he act and pretend. If only I remember this earlier. Starting from bottom, slowly moving up the ladder.

Maybe that my mistake, I'm expecting some kind of authority because of my history. I should be more wiser, my history and background don't determine how people should act toward me. I should use my history and background as my stepping stone. As lesson learnt so that I make better decision.

It ok, it alright. I learned my mistake. Let today be a lesson that I will never forget. Remember to be humble and helpful to other people. Just do to other what you expect other do to you.

The future road will be dark and full of terror. But we will walk slowly as success is beyond that.

P/S : Let try our best not to kiss ass. let our work speak for our self.

Just throw me under the bus

By the end of this month I will complete my first project. Not really my own project.

Just finishing up someone else project.

I love the complexity of the project. (somehow, my mentor had inspired me right here)

On very high level, it very simple.

"To teach user how to use some product."

Only small little problem, I don't know the product completely. (seems like there more)

And I need to teach the whole organization. Yup, all 4 thousands of them.

In whole branches. I don't even know what is the department beside me.
(Not to mention I have a not motivated subordinate)

Thank you for throwing me under the bus,

with limited resources, I have manage to do the impossible.

Actually not yet complete, it far from complete. (almost complete actually)

Looking back, how far have I gotten. Guess I'm doing okay.

(Need to keep the momentum, need to thrive for maximum result)

There are a lot of words to keep my motivation up. Among them is this poster below.

This strike true for me, I believe that it not about the resource. If you are incompetent, you will mess it up even you have sufficient resource. And I'm trying to prove that I'm competent. 

This remind me of Dharma and Greg show where Ed (Greg father in law), who is a successful businessman had retired. Long story short, Dharma requesting Ed to assist on some drag queen clothing company from bankrupt. Surprisingly, Ed managed to do it.(he is very good at management) The one that amaze me is that less than 5 minute Ed in the drag queen office, he manage to come up with many good idea and able to detect the flaw within the company. (not to mention with very experience with drag queen clothing)

Maybe it just a movie, but I wish to be that guy. He able to adapt to any situation and come with solution. It doesn't matter the resources he have, he know how to utilize it efficiently. If we could manage our resources efficiently, we will be better than before. He didn't rely on the resource available, he rely on himself and use the resource to support him. Instead of using the resource as his main source of power.

So the big question now, are you manage your resources efficiently?

p/s : another tips from xkcd, in order to become great at some field is not to try to become great at some field. You become great when you stick to your path to solve the issues and get the job done. You won't realize it until you become great at it.

Starry mood

There is a girl who I felt in love at first sight.

There is a lot of other things that I forget, but I still remember when I saw her

She sitting there, smiled at me, you get the picture.

We are in this on and off relationship..

in very odd relationship.

we both love each other, but at different times, at different places.

it seems like destiny is playing a cruel joke with us.

I don't mind how the destiny had changed you. 

I just wish that you can see past my flaw.

but I'm sorry that I'm not the man who you thought I am.

That man is exist, but he will be fake like plastic. (And I hate that man)

I'm trying to be honest with you. Can you see I'm taking a huge gamble here.

Don't you know that I'll move the mountain if you want to baby.

You have no idea what I'm willing to do for you.

If you could say that you belong to me and ease my mind.

Imagine how the world could be, so very fine.

But let be real here,

I can see the signs but I choose to ignore it

My head keep telling me there's no way this will work

but my heart still want to try for one last time.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life wandering

if I'm not completely screw up my chance

I know that this is not gonna work.

So instead of losing you and burn the bridge.

I choose to salvage what remain here.

If God want us to be together, we will be together.

In the meantime, let have the last supper and let get this over with.

What is the hardest thing to do?

It is to say goodbye to someone you care.

It is to say goodbye to someone you love.

It very hard to say goodbye, but I have to do this.

You are the one that got away.. again.

The one that steal my heart away.. again.

So long and goodbye.. again.

Let hope our path never cross again.

To the girl that taken up so much place in my heart but doesn't know it.

I just hope that one day, you will wake up and realize what you have done

you have miss one hella guy.

Too bad that our egos and prides have cause us this relationship.

P/S : I wish I didn't call her on my first year back to peninsular (when I call her that time, I totally forgot who she was on that period). Or maybe if she didn't pick up the phone. Then I won't need to face this drama. (And now she is the heartache that keep lingering)

New chapter

It been a while since I post anything in this blog.

In case you are wandering, I'm not dead nor I'm in jail or something. It just that I've been busy, very busy, very very busy (doing nothing..hohoho).

Moving forward, you will see lot of posts from me (hopefully). This time it will be something that on my mind, or something on my heart. Maybe some advice, maybe some rant or maybe something inspirational for you. (Who know what the future will be). 

What I'm trying to say is that, this time, there will be no more some copy paste thingy from some website. All will be written from me. (there might be some quote here and there) The main target for these new post is only one. These posts is for you my love.                                          ..................(yeah right)

These post is for my future self. So that I will know what kind of person I am before. It take less than a second for someone to change, so before I change, I will like to mark the existence of my current self where my future self can see it. But if you want to read, read on my dear. 

I believe I'm old and mature enough to have my own idea and opinion. Think of it as warming up and practice before taken up my Master. That right boys and girls, I'm planning to take Master.


p/s : let see how many post will it take until I'm tired of writing these blog entry.

As much as I can stand

You look beautiful tonight than I remember.
I'm so glad I got to see you once again.
I've enjoyed just sitting down and reminiscing,
But I've enjoyed as much of this as I can stand.

You say you wish that I could tell you all the secret.
No, I don't think I have the time to tell you,
not right now, not in front of your friend.
But I've enjoyed as much of this as I can stand.

Oh, there's so much more between us than this table.
All our hopes, all our dreams, all my plans.
Yes, it goes without me saying "I still love you"
But I've enjoyed as much of this as I can stand.

Yes, it goes without me saying "I hate to leave you"
But I've enjoyed as much of this as I can stand.

Hey stalker, yes, you. Quit smiling. You know who you are.

This is for you. The only person who successfully made me skip my work so far.

Goodbye

I hate saying goodbye to other people because seems to me that we will never meet again.

So when when its time for us to be apart, all I can say is see you later.

It's only because I really really hope that we could have another day cause I so much left to say, maybe I'll tell u everything.

Life

What is life?

I often listen to all kind of people say that to live your life to the fullest..
enjoy your life..

A few days ago, I was minding my own business and play an online game..then suddenly, a friend of mine pop up from nowhere and ask me what am I doing.

I respond, "Play game".

Then he reply, "Game is for someone who doesn't have a life.".




With smirky expression, he leave me because seems like I too preoccupied with my game.



Little did he know, his casual statement had make my mind spark up like crazy. It's like he has open my Pandora box. It's been a while my Pandora box is fully unleashed. So here I'm writing my 2 cents although I got big paper in 2 days.



The responded that my friend gave made me all thinking, what is a life? how dare he
inferred that I don't have a life? Am I a puppet to him? If I'm a puppet then he a sick man for talking to a puppet.

That's a silly point to make. I agreed. I just make a tiny joke to keep thing not too serious. Like the joker say, Why so serious?

Anyway, I'm pretty sure that everybody got the idea that life is what happen when we go out, meet other people, chit chat and have fun and stuff.

It's got to be to have interaction with other people, or going to places with people.

Now that's really bothered me.

For me, life is different based on everybody point of view. First of all, a great
thinker Serj Talkian say, "Life is but a dream". As I take it, anything that is a dream for a person that come true is a life for him. And for me, all I wish is to doing something that I truly like. And all I want right now is to play a game which I find very soothing.

As we only get 24 hour a day, most of the time of my life will be spend staring at this studious laptop and playing my online game.




When I at this make-believe place where magic is in the air. I found this soothing. The game could be addictive, but hey at least I'm not addictive to drug or sex.
It's not that I don't want to hang out with my friend at some shopping complex and watch some movies. And if you are my friend, then I want to say that I'm truly sorry if I hurt your feeling. But I find it that the game are more interesting then hanging out with you. Every time I want to go out, the same thing keep popping out of my head. Why am I doing this? Its not like I'm crapping money. And last time I check, the tree in front of my house don't grow money. And every outing would cost me lots of money and I die a little every time I ask funds from my parents. I just thing I shouldn't be the one keep asking the money for my entertainment.



Someone told me, we cannot be biased in making up choices. So we need to feel the both hot and cold first before we can decide which one we like. And don't get me wrong, I had live a life of going out. And I find it not so soothing as the game route. Because I need to be all dress up and putting up with people. the worst part is, I cannot fast forward the occasion. I just need to suck it up and take it like a man.

I'm not going to lie to u, there are multiple time that when I going out with somebody. All i think is when this all going to be over. Sometimes, I just step out and less than a minute the feeling comes.

But don't get me wrong. I'm not anti social. I will spend my arm and my leg for some truly worth it. I don't mind spending everyday with that someone......at least until I bored.

STFU

Normally I would avoid using foul language in my blog, but this one is just another example for exception of the rules.

Taken from lolsnaps.com

Wake up rabbit!!

Wake up rabbit!!

it's an insult to a turtle..

to see a rabbit pretend to be a turtle..

because a turtle can't pretend to be a turtle..

hurry up and finish the race

the turtle don't want to see the rabbit

because the rabbit only remind the turtle

something that the turtle can never have..

Malaysian don't like book?

Normally, I would avoid post blog contain any hostility with any organization.. especially organization within Malaysia. This is because I deeply love and respect my country. (Now all rise for the National Anthem)

However, this particular organization had overstepped the boundary. So I will do what I need to do.

Last Tuesdays, I saw an article being post all over my campus. Like a crocodile to avoid its prey, so I take a peek at the article. The article entitled “Tiada orang baca buku di Stesen LRT, tren, komuter, bas dan tumpuan umum” translated “ Nobody reading at LRT station, train, commuter, public carrier & public places” written by Rosalinda Md.Said for Utusan newspaper.

Or you can simple read it here (if you can read in Malay Language) http://www.utusan.com.my/utusan/info.asp?y=2010&dt=0222&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Laporan_Khas&pg=lk_01.htm

The whole article consist of their founding regarding why nobody read book at LRT station, train, commuter, public carrier & public places. They say Malaysians simple don’t read book because they don’t like book.

I just can’t tolerate with this statement. Are they drunk when they stated this? Obviously they are also doesn’t like book because their statement is way too outrageous. Many people know that books are equivalent to knowledge or wisdom. It almost like saying Malaysians doesn’t like knowledge.

So hypothetically, based on their theory,

Every day I don’t eat bread because I don’t like bread.

Or, I don’t wear Baju Melayu because I don’t like Baju Melayu.

Or, I don’t go to government agencies because I don’t like government.

I don’t watch television programme because I don’t like television programme.

I don’t go to school because I don’t like school.

I don’t take public carrier because I don’t like public carrier.

The last is true because I don’t like public carrier due to bad experiences, but the rest is a wrong tautology.

Just because I don’t eat bread doesn’t mean I dislike them, this is because I just prefer rice. I’m Asian for god sake. I don’t go to government agencies because I don’t have any business with them, not because I hate them. I don’t go to school simply because I already 22 years old. Not because I don’t like them. The point is, there are many other factor need to be consider to make a correct judgement.

Now, let me answer the article big question.

Why nobody reading at LRT station, train, commuter, public carrier & public places.

Well hello..of course you will find nobody or less people reading book in public carrier.

First of all, they do the survey in high population area. The place is not suitable, have you been in any public carrier in KL areas. The place is way too crowded. How I supposed to read when there like 9 other people squeezing me. How I’m supposed to read a sad novel when people will watch me and wondering why am I crying? If I read a comedy novel, how I supposed to laugh regarding joke in the novel without other people suspecting me for laughing at themselves. How I supposed to focus reading educational book with the buzzing and revving all around me. Not to mention the LRT announcer speaking.

Nevertheless, the main reason why I don’t read in public carrier is because the public carrier is moving. What if I missed my destination? Will the public carrier be kind enough to reverse and drop me? Besides, I easily feel not comfortable when reading something in public carrier. It will be much better to read at my cozy home uninterrupted and without feeling nausea every 5 minutes.

Beside, the gap to reading is too short. Let say I want to go to Masjid Jamek from Setiawangsa. It will be like half an hour gap. Is it really a good idea to bring a book with me? What happen when it start raining? Do I wish my precious book to be soaked in rain because I want to read every minute I can grab of?

How about at the bus stop, why nobody reading in the bus stop? Obvious because they are waiting for the bus to arrived. “Crap, I missed my bus because I too concentrate reading my joyful book. Never mind, I just wait another 30 minutes” or “Let’s go kids, take your favorite book and let’s all headed bus stop to sit there and read. Never mind all the carbon monoxide, smoke or dirt that deteriorates your health or the book. Don’t bother about other people who actually waiting for bus. Don’t be intimidated by their stare because we sit at their place.”

Then the writer goes to higher learning education places. Shockingly, the writer doesn’t find any undergraduate read book between classes or while waiting their friends. ROTF, “Hurm, there are like another one hour before my class start. Let’s read a book while ignoring the lack of glucose in my brain drain from 3 hour lecture this morning”. Let me give you a little head up, when we concentrate on something, our brain glucose will reduce gradually. Our brain can suffer damage if the glucose is way too low. Thus, subconsciously our body will stop us from focusing to avoid more glucose lose. This explains why we easily distracted and felling drowsy during the class. In drowsy mode, unconsciously we will lay down our head to fill up glucose to our brain. In addition, the average time people have before distracted are roughly 15 minutes. How to avoid these low glucose syndrome? The quick answer is sweet thing such as chocolate because sweet thing contain high glucose. But be careful because unutilized glucose will be stored in fat format in case we need quick glucose fixed. This also explained why sweet stuff fatten people. Back on track, that’s why subconsciously, we will do low pressure activities to let our body fill up glucose up in our brain.

Obviously, the writer didn’t take these factors in their research or other facts such as that another half of Malaysia who doesn’t take public carrier. How they can say that Malaysian don’t like book based on people in public transport while ignoring other half Malaysia that have their own transport. Maybe next week they will do another survey at traffic light and look at car owner during red light or rush hour. “Wow, none of these driver neither their passenger read book while waiting for red light nor the rush hour” “You are right, maybe they don’t like book neither” “So it is safe to conclude that Malaysians doesn’t read nor like book” “Yeah, now let’s go survey at KLCC park and write story why Malaysians so lazy these days”.

By the way, if you want to get a better and accurate survey. Make sure you consider other factors or do the appropriate approach. If I want to know whether Malaysian love book or not. I will go to their home and observe how many book in there. Now I know why only academia people can publish thesis and such. Maybe I do a thesis regarding Malaysian reading habits.

I'm not fat..I'm big boned..

If a person tell u that u gain weight..she got eyes problem..

When more 20 people say the same thing..it's time for pt (physical training) again..

Bout a year ago..I know this day will come..but I don't expect to come so sooner..

so I weight myself after the ROTU day parade..62 kg..

today, I just weight myself again.. 75 kg!!! wtf!!!

OMG!! what happen if i suppose to run for my life tomorrow..

I dun think I can run more than 10meter..

I need to do those physical training again..

I need to start running those 2km route again..

I need to do all that "tampar lalat"..

all those front supports..

hopping squares..

sit up..

squat jump..

aiyo..now it'll be much harder because I will not get paid like usual..

Jot that down

I always don't get it why we as undergraduate always have to quote

other people work?

Is it because the people we quote are good at what they are?

Or is it because this is the indirect way of the Faculty telling

us that we are no good..so instead speak with our opinion, better

stop all the gibberish because all that will make us appear less

brightly than a broken car headlight.

The part I hate most is that we should memorize all the saying

because that what the lecturer prefer to see in our test paper

instead of what we really understand on particular subject.

I remember particular time before a test when I beginning to

question myself. Why should I remember what others people saying?

I not even personally know the guys. How can I be sure that he

stated what is right?

So here is the interesting part. I need to cited a random person

quote in my paper because that will make my essay to appear solid

and I will get a handsome mark. There a saying say that "Meluntur

buluh biar dari rebungnya". If we don't want our kids to be a

prick who can't even count their money. We have to teach them from

kindergarden. Obviosly, not after they spend all their money

(ptptn to be precise) in a new mobile phone model. Thus, if we

want these fresh mind to think fresh. I don't think we supposed to

splash black ink at the white sheet. Instead of telling people to

remember bluntly every word. Why not explaining to us what is the

significant of remember these word? Let's try something

interesting.

"A plan is a goal, indicating certain beliefs; a schedule,

specifying steps to be taken;a theory, considering

relationships;and a precedent, established for existing

decisions."

(R.M.Cyert and J.G.March)

This is a quote stating what "Planning" is supposed to mean. Other

than this, there are like at least another 5 quote stating what is

"Planning" by others people I learn so far. Thus, aren't that these quotes

themselves saying that there aren't any best answer. Then why

should our own opinion be any less different? Is it just because

we don't have any certificate up in our wall?

I wonder what will happen to brilliant mind back in the days if

they have to learn by quote instead of make a new discovery.

Furthermore, no wonder Adi Putra will find himself crying in some

bureaucratic school.

Experience is a wonderful thing..

Today I woke up thinking I was late..

Thus, after wash up and all that, take my keys..

rev up the engine..Puncak Perdana here I come!! (with loathe)

When I arrived at the location..I feeling something is not right..Do I forgot something?? Seriously..I can feel something awful but to going on..

then when I'm in front of my class..after I look at my timetable..then it strike me hard..

CRAP!!..I'm an hour early.. again.. for the fourth time.. what kind of moron will keep repeating a same mistake like fourth time.. and I think now is the week 8 or 9.. meaning half the time I always come way too early..

look like I need to fix up my PDA..very badly..

also I innocently stroll to class today without realising I have a test waiting for me today..what happening to me? or should I say..What is wrong with me??

Letter to me..

I was watching "How I Meet Your Mother" Season 5..Episode 10 when Marshall read a letter written to him by him when he was 15..then it strike to me..

maybe i should write a letter to me when I'm 25..so I did..

at the end of the letter..i add a little P/S

"Dun forget to write a letter for u when you 30 & 35"

this will be fun when I read the letter when I'm 25..

now the big question..

How do I store the letter to somewhere save & reachable when I'm 25??

Maybe you also should write a letter yourself..

Final Destination

I get the feeling this couple day will be a very hard knock life for me..

How do I know it?

for a start..someone trying to manipulate me into doing her dirty work...

then my car got towed by the authorities..

to finish it up..my pedal gas suddenly start to act on itself while I was driving more than 100km/j..

Seriously, it very creeeepy n life & death matter..

Feel like I'm in 1 of the Final Destination movies..

thank god nothing happen...yet..

tomorrow will be a long day ahead..

Finish this post with a quote from Scary Movie II

"My lord..Please help me to release this demon!!!"