1. People choose the paths that grant them the greatest rewards for the least amount of effort
2. Perseverance does not equal worthiness
3. You can have all the faith you want in spirits, and the afterlife, and heaven and hell, but when it comes to this world, don't be an idiot. Cause you can tell me you put your faith in God to put you through the day, but when it comes time to cross the road, I know you look both ways
4. Ah, my birthday. Normally I'd put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the Earth has circled the Sun one more time; I really didn't think it was going to make it this year, but darn it if it wasn't the little planet that could all over again.
5. Like I always say, there's no "I" in "team". There is a "me", though, if you jumble it up.
6. take risks; sometimes patients die. But not taking risks causes more patients to die, so I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math
7. Are you ... comparing me to God? I mean, that's great, but just so you know, I've never made a tree.
8. Nonconformity, right. I can't remember the last time I saw a 20-something kid with a tattoo of an Asian letter on his wrist. You are one wicked free thinker. You want to be a rebel? Stop being cool. Wear a pocket protector like he does and get a haircut. Like the Asian kids who don't leave the library for 20 hours stretches, they're the ones who don't care what you think. Sayonara.
9. The eyes can mislead, the smile can lie, but the shoes always tell the truth.
10, Humiliation comes in all kinds of packages. People finding out that your son's a perv, that's pretty high up there. People finding out that you'd rather let your son die than sign a piece of paper, where's that rank?
11. On average, drug addicts are stupid.
It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what. The weird thing about telling someone they're dying is it tends to focus their priorities. You find out what matters to them. What they're willing to die for. What they're willing to lie for.
12. If you can fake sincerity, you can fake pretty much anything.
13. You know how they say, "you can't live without love"? Well, oxygen is even more important.
14. Sebastian: "Every minute 4 people die of TB."
House: "Wow, how can you sleep at night?"
Sebastian: "There's people dying in Africa of a disease that we cured over 50 years ago ..."
House: "Yeah, I know. I saw the concert. Seriously, let's say you sleep six hours, that means every night you kill 1440 people. I guess you gotta get some sleep, but come on, if you'd stayed up another 10 minutes you could have saved 40 lives. Do you send notes to the families in the morning? That's gonna take at least ten minutes, so that's another 40 dead, another 40 notes... why don't you go wrack yourself with guilt in your own room?"
15. Do you notice how all the self-sacrificing women in history; Joan of Arc, Mother Theresa, can't think of any others; they all die alone. The men, on the other hand, get so much fuzz, it's crazy
16. Wilson: "If you have the money, then why did you need the loan?"
House: "I didn't. Just wanted to see if you would give it to me. I've been borrowing increasing amounts ever since you lent me forty dollars a year ago. A little experiment to see where you draw the line."
Wilson: "You're ... you're trying to...objectively measure how much I value our friendship?!"
House: "Hey, it's five grand. You've got nothing to be ashamed of."
17. House: "Gimme a reason to get out of this, and I'll tell you who started the rumor about you being a transsexual."
Cuddy: "There is no such rumor."
House: "There will be unless you get me out of this dinner."
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