Definition

1. Single (adjective) - A man who makes jokes about women in the kitchen.
2. Internet (noun) - The reason you are failing high school.
3. Thesaurus (noun) - The book that is also a dinosaur
4. Study (verb) - The act of texting, eating and watching TV with an open textbook nearby.
5. Friend (noun) - One of the many strangers on Facebook.
6. Tomorrow (noun) - The best time to do everything you had planned for today.
7. No offense (phrase) - A phrase used to introduce a highly offensive comment
8. Twitter (noun) - The social network that your parents and close relatives haven't ruined for you yet.
9. Haha (noun) - This conversation is now over.
10. Sarcasm (noun) - The brain's natural defense against the less intelligent.
11. Gullible (adjective) - A commonly used word that is not found in the dictionary.
12. Oh, it was nothing (phrase) - It took me 40 hours, and if you say anything bad I will honestly punch your face off.
13. Keychain (noun) - A ring invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
14. Teacher (noun) - A person who helps you solve problems you'd never have without them.
15. Teacher (noun) - An overeducated babysitter
16. Teacher (noun) - One who kills your love of books, math and science.
17. Synonym (noun) - A word you use when you can't figure out how to spell the other one.
18. Birthday (noun) - The one day per year that people you never talk to on Facebook post on your wall.
19. Happy Birthday (phrase) - I don't know you, but we're Facebook friends
20. Brand name (noun) - Paying more for something so that others know you're paying more for something.
21. Imagination (noun) - The ability to turn anything into a rocketship; usually lost at puberty.
22. I'm not book smart, I'm street smart (phrase) - I'm not real smart, I'm imaginary smart.
23. Heels (noun) - Shoes invented by men to make running away harder.
24. I'm almost there (phrase) - I'm still doing my hair and haven't left yet.
25. Yellow light (noun) - Drive faster.
26. B.C. (abbreviation) - Before Computers.
27. Etc. (adverb) - Used to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
28. You look good (phrase) - You used to be fat.
29. Single and loving it (phrase) - Desperate and trying it hide it.
30. Strangers (noun) - The only ones with decent candy.
31. Final (noun) - A test designed by teachers to lower self esteem.
32. Ignorant (adjective) - Anyone who disagrees with you.
33. Lol (abbreviation) - I have nothing else to say.
34. Parents (noun) - People who blame innocent children for their mistakes and take credit for their successes.
35. Just saying (phrase) - A way to make insults sound like observations.
36. Procrastination (noun) - The art of screwing oneself over.
37. Nothing (noun) - Obviously something, just keep asking.
38. Love (noun) - A word you put between "I" and "you" when you want something.
39. Love (noun) - Nature's way of tricking people into reproducing.
40. Nerd (noun) - The person you pick on in high school and wind up working for as an adult.
41. Valentine's Day (noun) - A day specifically designed to make single people feel bad about themselves.
42. I got a new phone and lost all my numbers (phrase) - I deleted your number because I hate you.
43. Money can't buy happiness (phrase) - A saying created by poor people to help curb their jealousy of the rich.
44. Flabbergasted (adjective) - The shock you experience when you realize how fat you've gotten.
45. Let's hang out sometime (phrase) - I feel bad that we don't talk anymore, so I hope saying this makes me feel better, even though we both know it isn't going to happen.
46. Alcohol (noun) - A drink that makes bad decisions look good.
47. We can still be friends (phrase) - This is going to be really awkward and I don't want to hang out with you ever again.
48. Texting (verb) - What one pretends to do in awkward situations.
49. Children (noun) - A source of legal slave labor.
50. You're a really nice guy (phrase) - I will never ever date you.
51. Good try (phrase) - You just failed, but I'm trying to be nice.
52. Remote control (noun) - An adhesive force between your butt and the sofa.
53. What's up? (phrase) - I don't care about what you have to say; just ask me the same thing back so I can talk about myself.
54. Mother-in-law (noun): Someone who has an irrational hatred for you.
55. Woman (noun) - Someone to make you sandwiches.
56. Happiness (noun) - When the waitress brings you your food.

Taken from http://grouchyrabbit.com/