1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer’s browsing history if you die.
2. Nothing ticks me off more more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How in the world are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I promise I did not make any changes to.
14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? ), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a “stoop” from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Unavoidable laws of nature
1. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
2. Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
3. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
4. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
5. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
6. Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
7. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
8. If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
9. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
10. Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
11. Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back. This is what I’m doing wrong.
12. Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”
13. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
14. To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
15. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing.
16. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
17. The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong – until the next person quits or is fired.
18. There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
19. The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T, etc.)
20. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
21. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
22. People are always available for work in the past tense.
23. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
24. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
25. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
26. You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
27. No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
28. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”
29. The longer the title, the less important the job.
30. Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
31. An “acceptable” level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
32. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
33. All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one’s own.
34. Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
35. If anything can go wrong, it will.
36. Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.
37. Everything takes longer than you expect.
38. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will do the most damage will go wrong first.
39. Left to themselves, all things go from bad to worse.
40. If you play with something long enough, you will surely break it.
41. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
42. If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
43. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
44. Mother Nature is a bitch.
45. It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
46. If a great deal of time has been expended seeking the answer to a problem with the only result being failure, the answer will be immediately obvious to the first unqualified person.
47. If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
48. Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
– Harvard’s Law
49. Never replicate a successful experiment.
– Fett’s Law
50. Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.
– von Braun
51. It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
– Phil White
52. In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.
– Cooke’s Law
53. Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upwards from the floor-especially in the dark.
– Ross’s Law
54. The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.
– Calkin’s Law of Menu Language
55. Don’t force it; get a larger hammer.
– Anthony’s Law of Force
56. Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
– Anthony’s Law of the Workshop
57. Arnold’s Laws of Documentation:
(1) If it should exist, it doesn’t.
(2) If it does exist, it’s out of date.
(3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the first two laws.
58. Beifeld’s Principle:
The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases exponentially when he is already in the company of:
(1) a date,
(2) his wife,
(3) a better looking and richer male friend.
59. Bradley’s Bromide:
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee — that will do them in.
60. DeVries’s Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don’t want hits the paper.
61. Drew’s Law of Highway Biology:
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.
62. Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
Corollary: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
63. Finagle’s Third Law:
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
64. First Rule of History:
History doesn’t repeat itself — historians merely repeat each other.
Taken from http://www.blippitt.com/64-unavoidable-laws-of-nature
2. Don’t be irreplaceable, if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
3. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
4. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
5. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
6. Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
7. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
8. If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
9. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
10. Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
11. Keep your boss’s boss off your boss’s back. This is what I’m doing wrong.
12. Everything can be filed under “miscellaneous.”
13. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
14. To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
15. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing.
16. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
17. The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong – until the next person quits or is fired.
18. There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
19. The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T, etc.)
20. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
21. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
22. People are always available for work in the past tense.
23. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
24. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
25. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
26. You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
27. No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
28. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”
29. The longer the title, the less important the job.
30. Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
31. An “acceptable” level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
32. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
33. All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one’s own.
34. Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
35. If anything can go wrong, it will.
36. Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.
37. Everything takes longer than you expect.
38. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will do the most damage will go wrong first.
39. Left to themselves, all things go from bad to worse.
40. If you play with something long enough, you will surely break it.
41. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
42. If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
43. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
44. Mother Nature is a bitch.
45. It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
46. If a great deal of time has been expended seeking the answer to a problem with the only result being failure, the answer will be immediately obvious to the first unqualified person.
47. If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
48. Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
– Harvard’s Law
49. Never replicate a successful experiment.
– Fett’s Law
50. Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.
– von Braun
51. It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
– Phil White
52. In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.
– Cooke’s Law
53. Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upwards from the floor-especially in the dark.
– Ross’s Law
54. The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the dish.
– Calkin’s Law of Menu Language
55. Don’t force it; get a larger hammer.
– Anthony’s Law of Force
56. Any tool when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
– Anthony’s Law of the Workshop
57. Arnold’s Laws of Documentation:
(1) If it should exist, it doesn’t.
(2) If it does exist, it’s out of date.
(3) Only documentation for useless programs transcends the first two laws.
58. Beifeld’s Principle:
The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases exponentially when he is already in the company of:
(1) a date,
(2) his wife,
(3) a better looking and richer male friend.
59. Bradley’s Bromide:
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee — that will do them in.
60. DeVries’s Dilemma:
If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don’t want hits the paper.
61. Drew’s Law of Highway Biology:
The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes.
62. Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
Corollary: If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.
63. Finagle’s Third Law:
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
64. First Rule of History:
History doesn’t repeat itself — historians merely repeat each other.
Taken from http://www.blippitt.com/64-unavoidable-laws-of-nature
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Tribute to My laptop
20/10/2010
My laptop crash in front of me while I'm finishing my final project..
The song last played is Bonethug N Harmony - Weedsong..
All the years we been together, I loathed we reached the end.
I'm surprised how you remain calm collected and commanding,
with my non-stop abuse, all the tormenting just to pleased myself,
I remember that I had keep u up all week. I'm sorry I treated u like a machine,
But everyday I long for you, rushing just to touch and stare at you.
I want to thank you for all the information u share with me, u made me a lot wiser.
Gave me new knowledge every moment.
Without you I'm still just a fool..just a moron..just a loon..
But I want to say sorry because I haven't give u a name..
because I don't know what fits u perfectly,
My laptop, my precious
My laptop crash in front of me while I'm finishing my final project..
The song last played is Bonethug N Harmony - Weedsong..
All the years we been together, I loathed we reached the end.
I'm surprised how you remain calm collected and commanding,
with my non-stop abuse, all the tormenting just to pleased myself,
I remember that I had keep u up all week. I'm sorry I treated u like a machine,
But everyday I long for you, rushing just to touch and stare at you.
I want to thank you for all the information u share with me, u made me a lot wiser.
Gave me new knowledge every moment.
Without you I'm still just a fool..just a moron..just a loon..
But I want to say sorry because I haven't give u a name..
because I don't know what fits u perfectly,
My laptop, my precious
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
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