Philosoraptor

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/philosoraptor

Interesting pIcture

Taken from http://www.killmydaynow.com/

STFU

Normally I would avoid using foul language in my blog, but this one is just another example for exception of the rules.

Taken from lolsnaps.com

114 LOL Deep Thoughts And Point To Ponder

1. After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
2. And whose cruel idea was it to put an “S” in the word “Lisp”?
3. Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it’s much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?
4. Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
5. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they get back too?
6. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
7. Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?
8. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
9. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4′s”?
10. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
11. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
12. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
13. How can there be self-help groups?
14. How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
15. How do you tell if you run out of invisible ink?
16. How is it possible to have a civil war?
17. How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
18. “I am ” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do ” is the longest sentence?
19. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
20. If God dropped acid, would he see people?
21. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
22. If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him….Is he still wrong?
23. If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?
24. If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?
25. If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?
26. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
27. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
28. If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
29. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
30. If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
31. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
32. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
33. If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
34. If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?
35. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
36. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
37. If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?”
38. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead”?
39. If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide….is it considered a hostage situation?
40. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
41. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
42. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
43. If the singular of GEESE is GOOSE, shouldn’t a Portuguese person be called Portugoose?
44. If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
45. If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don’t they wear a pair of bras?
46. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
47. If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
48. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
49. If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
50. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
51. Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
52. Is it true that cannibals won’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
53. Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”?
54. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
55. What do chickens think we taste like?
56. What do people in China call their good plates?
57. What do you call a male ladybug?
58. What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man?
59. What happened to the first 6 “ups”?
60. What happens when none of your bees wax?
61. What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
62. What is the protocol if the package says, “Open somewhere else”?
63. What is the speed of dark?
64. What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
65. What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
66. What’s another word for synonym?
67. When cheese gets it’s picture taken, what does it say?
68. When dog food tastes new and improved, who tested it?
69. When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?
70. When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
71. When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?
72. When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?
73. When you’re sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
74. When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
75. Where are Preparations A through G?
76. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
77. Which is the other side of the street?
78. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
79. Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor and planes don’t have a row 13, but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?
80. Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
81. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
82. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
83. Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
84. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.
85. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
86. Why do psychics have to ask your name?
87. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them?
88. Why do they put Braille on the drive thru bank machines?
89. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . become Pen Pals to these men ?
90. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
91. Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
92. Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
93. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
94. Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn’t they be wearing night gowns?
95. Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?
96. Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?
97. Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
98. Why don’t they call mustaches “mouthbrows?”
99. Why don’t tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?
100. Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
101. Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?
102. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
103. Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
104. Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
105. Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
106. Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the radio?
107. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
108. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
109. Why is the symbol for anarchy always written the same way?
110. Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?
111. Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
112. Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?
113. Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up a project, I end it?
114. Would a wingless fly be called a walk?

16 Things It Took Me 40 Years To Learn

1. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.
2. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
3. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
4. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
5. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

6. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
7. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
8. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
9. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
10. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, he WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

11. You should not confuse your career with your life.
12. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
13. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
14. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
15. Your friends love you, anyway.
16. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

Taken from http://www.blippitt.com/16-things-it-took-me-40-years-to-learn

25 Pieces Of Middle Aged Wisdom

1. If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No one has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

Taken from http://www.blippitt.com/25-pieces-of-middle-aged-wisdom